Moms Need Other Moms Now More Than Ever: Where the F*ck is My Village?

Where there once was a shared community to hold and support mothers, today's moms often find themselves without that essential network of support. The phrase “It takes a village” has long been synonymous with raising children, yet for so many moms today, the village seems nowhere to be found. Where the f*ck is my village? It’s a question many moms ask themselves as they navigate the overwhelming pressures of modern motherhood, wondering why support feels so far away. Now more than ever, moms need a community, and finding that village is essential not just for making it through the tough moments, but for finding comfort and connection.

The Disappearance of the Village

In generations past, mothers had built-in support systems. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends were part of the daily rhythm, stepping in to help with everything from child-rearing to household tasks. Today, many moms find themselves geographically distant from family or living in communities where they barely know their neighbors. The traditional village has all but disappeared, replaced by a culture that emphasizes individualism over collective care.

As a result, moms are left to bear the full weight of motherhood, often without the support and infrastructure they desperately need. The expectation that mothers should be able to juggle it all—career, home life, children, relationships, and self-care—has become the norm. But let’s be real: it’s impossible to do it all without help, and it shouldn’t be expected.

The Social Media Illusion of Support

Social media was supposed to connect us, but for many moms, it’s done the opposite. Instead of feeling supported, moms often find themselves comparing their struggles to the picture-perfect lives they see online. It’s hard not to wonder why everyone else seems to have it together while you’re drowning in laundry, half-eaten snacks, an incomplete to-do list, and a sense of failure.

But the truth is, social media is a highlight reel, not the full story. Behind every perfectly staged photo, there’s a real mom who’s probably feeling just as overwhelmed. The problem is that social media creates the illusion of community, but it lacks the depth of real, meaningful connections. What moms need are honest conversations with people who understand the raw, unfiltered truth of what motherhood is really like.

The Mental Load: Why Moms Can’t Do It Alone

The invisible mental load moms carry is heavier now than ever before. It’s not just about managing the family calendar or making sure everyone gets to appointments—it’s the constant mental juggling of what needs to happen next, who needs what, and how to keep everything running smoothly. This unseen labor is exhausting, and it’s often unacknowledged, even though it plays a critical role in the day-to-day functioning of the family. According to a 2015 study by the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), women, particularly mothers, do about two-thirds of the tasks associated with running a household while simultaneously being co-breadwinners.

What’s even more surprising is that despite the rise in moms working outside the home, today’s mothers are spending more time with their children than previous generations. A well-known statistic from a Pew Research Center report highlights that in 2016, mothers spent an average of 13.7 hours per week on child care, compared to just 10.5 hours per week in 1965. This means that not only are moms balancing careers, but they’re also investing more time in hands-on parenting.

This is why a village matters. Other moms understand the mental load without needing to explain it. They can empathize with the daily struggle of balancing everyone else’s needs with your own. And more importantly, they can help lighten the load by offering practical support, whether it’s taking turns watching the kids, sharing advice, or just being a listening ear when you need to vent.

Isolation in a “Connected” World

Despite the digital age’s promise of connection, moms are feeling more isolated than ever. The pandemic exacerbated this issue, with playdates, family visits, and support groups becoming less accessible. Many moms were left to navigate the challenges of motherhood completely alone, without the village they so desperately needed.

Even post-pandemic, the lingering sense of isolation remains. Moms need real-life connections, not just virtual likes or comments. They need face-to-face conversations where they can be vulnerable, honest, and supported. They need the kind of friendships where it’s okay to show up in sweatpants, unshowered, and vent about how hard things really are.

How to Find Your Village (Hint: It’s Out There)

If you’re feeling like your village is missing, you’re not alone—but the good news is, it’s out there. Here are some ways to build or find your village:

Local mom groups: Check out community centers, libraries, or social media groups that offer meetups for moms. Don’t be afraid to attend a few different ones until you find your tribe.
Therapy and support groups: Joining a group specifically designed for moms, like Surviving Modern Motherhood, can be a great way to connect with others who understand the challenges of raising kids in today’s world.
Online communities (but with real connections): While social media often creates shallow connections, it can also lead to real friendships. Use groups or apps designed for moms to find people in your area or with similar interests and experiences.

Peanut is a social networking app that helps mothers connect with others in their area for support and friendship during the challenges of motherhood. The app allows moms to share experiences, seek advice, and access parenting resources, including local event calendars and direct messaging. Peanut is available on the App Store and Google Play.
Peanut also has great, relatable content on social media - definitely worth a view!

Fun fact - I used Peanut after my second son was born and met the most incredible mom friend in my area!

Reaching out: Sometimes, the village is right there, but you haven’t connected yet. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other moms at your child’s school, at the park, or in your neighborhood. Chances are, they’re feeling just as isolated as you are.
Advocacy organizations: Join local or national organizations that focus on supporting mothers’ rights and family-friendly policies. Advocacy work not only creates real change but can connect you with like-minded moms who are passionate about building a better world for their children.

Building a Village for the Next Generation

The disappearance of the village has put enormous pressure on modern moms, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. By prioritizing connection, seeking out other moms, and advocating for systemic change, we can start to rebuild the village—not just for ourselves, but for the next generation of mothers and children.

Find Your Support

Motherhood is tough, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the mental load or just need a space to connect with other moms who understand, I invite you to join my Surviving Modern Motherhood group. It's a safe, supportive community where you can share, learn, and feel empowered by the connections you make.

Reach out, connect with me, and let’s build the village you’ve been missing. Together, we can make this journey a little lighter and a lot more supported.